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Subtitles created by ear:
by: Świerszczyk69

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WICKED
FAIRY TALES

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Wendy!

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WICKED PICTURES PRESENTS:

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THERE ARE:

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Peter Pan XXX
An Axel Braun Parody

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Are you ever going to serve dinner?

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Wendy?

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Well, I guess I'm talking to myself again this evening.

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I'm sorry, Clive, I must have been dreaming.

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Dreaming, you?

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Should I pretend to be shocked?

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A religious wife?
Have you ever done anything else?

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Clive, please, you can't be polite.

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Polite?
You're polite, so...

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...Christian football.
Fault.

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00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:42,580
Why are you doing this?
Where's the servants?

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- I was given the night off.
- Why the hell? How could you do that?

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This was planned a long time ago.

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I'll go get the roast.

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I pay them wages for doing their job,
just like I do for the position I hold at the bank.

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But you, darling, dream of living.

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And when you wake up, it's with ideas of charity like a stupid girl.

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As for your duties as a wife, ...

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...you run the household incorrectly,...

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...you embarrass us in good company,
and in the bedroom you don't meet expectations.

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But you are the greatest dream in Kensington Gardens...

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...at this price.

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- Peter, is that his name?
- Please forgive me.

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Your imaginary friend from your disastrous childhood.

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Is Peter Pan the one you dream about?
Am I right?

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- Clive.
- Fault!

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You are a fiction.

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It's a search for lost youth...

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...from a fairy tale.

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I'm begging you.
Don't talk about Piotruś anymore today.

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I promise I will be more careful.
Just leave my memory of him alone.

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Damn, I murdered him!

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It's rather slow, I thought you said
that it can fly fast.

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- I'm going to bed.
- All right.

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I'll be at the golf club.

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Beg Bequette, John Engleri disappointment in the best brand.

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Don't wait for me, baby.

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Fault!

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Oh Neverland...

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...do I have to abandon you completely?

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Do I have to live unfulfilled?

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00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:34,220
Oh, Peter!

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You've grown up, Wendy.

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I had to.

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Your hands are still delicate.

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You're older.

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But in a nice way.

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Your eyes...

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...they are still the same.

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It's my head that I'm worried about.

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Maybe we can work this out, like you did with my shadow, remember?

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Oh Peter.

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I missed you.

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And thank God, you haven't changed a thing.

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Why should I?

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Where are your brothers?

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Now they are men and they have completely forgotten about you, but...

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...I never.

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Good, because what's left of Neverland needs you, Wendy.

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Captain Hook is back.

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He caught Tinker Bell.

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Oh my.

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What do you mean "left"?

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What about the missing boys?

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They became pirates.

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Pirates?
I'm quite shocked.

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But they would listen to you, Wendy.

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And I could take care of Hook,
while you talk to them.

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This is the perfect plan to take you to Neverland.

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Listen...

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...this is my last Pixie dust.

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I took it from Tinker Bell's bed.

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Fly with me Wendy.

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But I can't.

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I have my life here, my husband.

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And tomorrow, tea with the Ladies Garden Society.

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Just hearing about it bores me to death.

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Me too, basically.

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It's okay, Peter.

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Whooo!

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If you really think that coming with you will help.

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I'll go with you.

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Come on Wendy.

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Think about happiness, remember?

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Christmas, candy.

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Kittens.

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Why don't you fly?

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I'm afraid my thoughts are too heavy now, Peter.

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I told you growing up was a trap.

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Wait, I have an idea.

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Close your eyes.

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Clear your thoughts.

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And let the music speak to you, okay.

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♪Think of a great cock♪

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♪Not just any little dick.♪

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♪See what's hanging between my thighs, watch it quadruple in size, now open wide and suck!♪

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♪We're gonna fuck, we're gonna fuck, we're gonna fuck!!!♪

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Oh Peter, I think it's working.

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Really?
Whooo!

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Your cock is big, Peter.

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00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:42,500
Are you ready to fly, Wendy?

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00:35:43,020 --> 00:35:44,500
Yes.

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Second star on the right.

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00:35:48,620 --> 00:35:50,820
We'll be there in the morning.

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00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,460
Oh Smee, I'm depressed.

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00:36:28,460 --> 00:36:35,300
And when I'm down, it's my nose, my nose,
I want to scratch him with that ugly hook.

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Iris scarred my handsomeness.

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This dilemma must end.

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Depressed, Captain Hook?

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Don't you get seasick?

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Tinkerbell won't tell me where Peter Pan is.

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- It's so surprising.
- No, what I mean is...

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Yes, oh don't confuse me!

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Am I the only pirate with dreams on the waters?

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Look at the wall behind me.

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Cemetery collection, complete.

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They are my little pleasures and follow me wherever I go.

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They're knocking on my door...

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...and until Peter Pan's head is placed on a commemorative plaque....

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...I won't rest, I won't rest...

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...keep your peace.

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Yes, sir, but I meant our prisoner.
There's a fortune teller there and she doesn't want to talk.

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Yes, yes, of course I guessed.

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But do you know what my plan of action will be?

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00:37:43,060 --> 00:37:46,220
Or maybe some magic?

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You're killing me, you idiot!

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I may be a wicked sorcerer, the most feared villain on the seven seas.

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But I'm not a wizard.

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Get me out of here!

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Now, now...

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How to deal with this delicate situation?

139
00:38:24,280 --> 00:38:27,660
Tell me where Peter Pan is!

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You miserable little willow slut.

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You are tiny.

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Wait, I hear you.

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Fairies can only be heard by humans,
when they are the same size.

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Unfortunately, we always hear you.

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Okay, you're making me pick on you
don't try these ridiculous things.

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00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,820
- Hmm...
- What?

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Well, it's been a while since I've wrestled with a man my size.

148
00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,620
Now, the question is: James...

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00:39:17,620 --> 00:39:21,520
...how big can you be?

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Oh, oh...

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The pleasure is all mine.

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- Tinkerbell.
- Are you having fun?

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Good heavens.

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What are you doing, Tinker Bell?

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What is this...

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What happened?

157
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See this Peter Pan.

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Look who's with him.

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If she gets close enough, we can drown her.

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Neverland.

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00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:54,520
It's all still so beautiful that I wonder...

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...is this real and not just another nightmare?

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00:53:58,120 --> 00:53:59,740
Well, that's what I always thought.

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00:54:02,160 --> 00:54:05,960
It's so good to be here with you again, Piotruś.

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But I have a question.

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00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:10,860
Ask quickly and you might get an answer.

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My husband, does it bother you that I'm married?

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You know I do.

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I was afraid of this.

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What terrible crime have you committed to deserve such a punishment?

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Was it like catching the flu?

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Flu?
No, I chose marriage.

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- It was stupid.
- No, it wasn't.

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This was what I was supposed to do.

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Even though I said it out loud
it doesn't sound so good.

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You don't say everything you do, Wendy.

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I'm yawning, I'm bored.

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But I have many questions for you, Piotruś.

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Well, say it in a bow tie, I guess...

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00:54:55,700 --> 00:54:58,940
...that you want to have an affair like we do in your bedroom.

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Honestly, man, you are very frustrating, Peter Pan.

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00:55:05,780 --> 00:55:07,940
Look, they're funny friends, Wendy.

183
00:55:07,940 --> 00:55:11,060
They can certainly tell us where Hook's ship is docked.

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Your friends, Piotruś,
mermaids, they never liked me.

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Lord.

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Would you be so kind?
and they told me where the ship is?

187
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,880
Where is Captain Hook hiding?

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00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:41,820
- Why would we do that?
- I would appreciate it.

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Just like me with lessons,
which you gave me.

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They worked wonders on Wendy.

191
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Do these moves on her.

192
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:00,940
Well, your fish decks are not easy to get around.

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There are many other things we can do.

194
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And if you want to know something about pirates, you will.

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00:56:10,100 --> 00:56:16,560
Peter, Peter, Peter!
What does it mean?

196
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:22,500
They probably just want to sing a song, you know how mermaids do.

197
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:27,520
But won't it be a waste of time?

198
00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:35,560
Maybe, unless you walk along the beach and see if you can find that ship when they squawk.

199
00:56:37,700 --> 00:56:42,800
It's okay, Peter.
I wish I had a telescope.

200
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:47,460
Try not to treat the Mermaids like idiots, Peter, because you might offend them.

201
00:56:47,460 --> 00:56:50,060
Yes, Wendy.

202
00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:00,840
- Yes?
- Yes.

203
01:05:54,880 --> 01:05:57,940
Tinkerbell, I almost hit you.

204
01:05:58,900 --> 01:06:02,040
Calm down.
Is Peter Pan in trouble?

205
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:07,000
Now you know that I don't understand fairy language.

206
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:10,280
Grow into a human form and use the language in the right way.

207
01:06:11,080 --> 01:06:16,340
Don't give me another reason for my mouth to be sore.

208
01:06:17,240 --> 01:06:19,600
But can you tell me about Peter.

209
01:06:20,100 --> 01:06:27,260
Well, Captain Hook is plotting against him, and this time it's really bad.

210
01:06:28,020 --> 01:06:32,480
If the fairy feels bad,
something really bad is happening.

211
01:06:32,480 --> 01:06:36,820
My tribe has long known this was coming and prepared to fight.

212
01:06:36,820 --> 01:06:39,960
You must seek advice from our medic.

213
01:06:49,800 --> 01:06:54,040
-Lily, wait, doesn't the medic have a name?
- Yes.

214
01:06:54,040 --> 01:06:56,040
Bigodick

215
01:07:14,060 --> 01:07:18,360
O great medicine man, we have come for your wisdom.

216
01:07:18,360 --> 01:07:22,720
How can the noble Peter Pan defeat the villainous Captain Hook?

217
01:07:35,460 --> 01:07:38,820
Is he the strong and silent type?

218
01:07:38,820 --> 01:07:41,520
He is in a trance.

219
01:07:45,300 --> 01:07:48,400
- We have to get him out of there.
- But how?

220
01:07:50,660 --> 01:07:53,020
There is only one way.

221
01:28:18,360 --> 01:28:19,880
Oh no.

222
01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:25,700
Bigodick says that the only way to end the fight is with Peter's head on Captain Hook's wall.

223
01:28:28,600 --> 01:28:31,380
Oh no.

224
01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:38,360
I'm getting more and more tired of all the men in my life.

225
01:28:38,360 --> 01:28:41,040
Britons and Neverlands.

226
01:28:41,040 --> 01:28:45,640
They tell me what to do, how to do it.

227
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:48,660
Why can't I manage my own life?

228
01:28:48,660 --> 01:28:52,840
Let's forget I said that.

229
01:28:52,840 --> 01:28:56,620
But maybe it's the tide.

230
01:29:07,000 --> 01:29:10,360
The mermaids finally told us where the ship was.

231
01:29:10,360 --> 01:29:14,020
Well, they certainly weren't in much of a hurry.

232
01:29:14,020 --> 01:29:17,160
Why do you look so exhausted?

233
01:29:17,160 --> 01:29:23,860
Do you want to waste more time talking, talking about adult matters, or do you want to go save your friends?

234
01:29:23,860 --> 01:29:29,500
You're right, I want to save Tinker Bell and the Lost Boys.

235
01:29:29,760 --> 01:29:31,860
And I know exactly how we're going to do it.

236
01:29:32,420 --> 01:29:36,940
So you show up and tell them
that you are back for good.

237
01:29:36,940 --> 01:29:42,260
Then you will see that they will want to come and live with us.
You can take them from their position...

238
01:29:42,260 --> 01:29:47,160
...and tell them one of your stories.
Then I can break into Hook's cabin.

239
01:29:47,160 --> 01:29:50,220
Hmmm...we'll see.

240
01:29:50,220 --> 01:29:54,480
I think I have a better idea.

241
01:30:07,820 --> 01:30:14,200
Arrr..Pirate life.
What a lonely life it is.

242
01:30:14,200 --> 01:30:18,860
Women's pieces so far
and not much between ports.

243
01:30:19,620 --> 01:30:23,540
Peter Pan always had a mermaid with whom he swam.

244
01:30:24,020 --> 01:30:25,540
Lost boys for sale.

245
01:30:26,480 --> 01:30:30,120
That's why you joined our pack.

246
01:30:30,120 --> 01:30:32,120
The knights became lonely in the tree house.

247
01:30:32,120 --> 01:30:37,160
So we offer selling and finding some lost girls around.

248
01:30:38,580 --> 01:30:40,620
What about that one girl?

249
01:30:40,620 --> 01:30:43,400
Wendy - Wanted.

250
01:30:44,280 --> 01:30:47,600
Oh, she's too bossy.

251
01:30:47,600 --> 01:30:49,600
And responsible.

252
01:30:51,800 --> 01:30:53,520
Well boys...

253
01:31:12,540 --> 01:31:15,160
This isn't that story, is it?

254
01:31:15,160 --> 01:31:19,360
We-We-Wendy?

255
01:31:26,800 --> 01:31:29,900
Tootles, is that you?

256
01:31:29,900 --> 01:31:32,760
Yes, Miss Wendy.

257
01:31:33,240 --> 01:31:34,760
Shame on you.

258
01:31:35,860 --> 01:31:37,560
And Nibs.

259
01:31:38,540 --> 01:31:42,440
- You too.
-I'm afraid so.

260
01:31:45,200 --> 01:31:49,320
What happened that made you choose this pirate life?

261
01:31:59,460 --> 01:32:01,780
I'll go get the Captain.

262
01:32:01,780 --> 01:32:06,760
Why?
He will just accept whatever comes.

263
01:32:07,740 --> 01:32:09,860
You see...

264
01:32:10,660 --> 01:32:12,440
...I have a theory...

265
01:32:12,440 --> 01:32:15,980
...lost boys become lost men...

266
01:32:15,980 --> 01:32:19,140
...due to lack of attention from women.

267
01:32:19,140 --> 01:32:23,020
A bug I intend to fix.

268
01:51:18,980 --> 01:51:20,420
Look at Wendy.

269
01:51:20,420 --> 01:51:24,380
What did you do?
I'm proud of you.

270
01:51:28,520 --> 01:51:31,140
What will we do with all this time?

271
01:51:31,140 --> 01:51:33,640
I don't know.

272
01:51:33,640 --> 01:51:38,100
- I swallowed everything.
- I need to find someone to clean up this mess.

273
01:51:43,200 --> 01:51:45,000
So close.

274
01:51:46,880 --> 01:51:53,180
It was always so close to catching that fleet-footed devil of a Lord.

275
01:51:53,180 --> 01:51:55,680
But no...

276
01:51:55,680 --> 01:51:59,660
Fate has once again turned its back on me.

277
01:52:06,120 --> 01:52:08,700
Am I hallucinating?

278
01:52:08,960 --> 01:52:13,060
Peter Pan's head on my wall?

279
01:52:13,320 --> 01:52:17,840
Haha!
Dream.

280
01:52:25,160 --> 01:52:30,020
But I can't be
so drunk from this cheap rum.

281
01:52:30,260 --> 01:52:33,680
Is it possible?

282
01:52:35,540 --> 01:52:39,880
Could I kill my enemy?

283
01:52:39,880 --> 01:52:43,560
I don't remember this wonderful event?

284
01:52:49,360 --> 01:52:50,940
That's true.

285
01:52:52,520 --> 01:52:54,460
I won.

286
01:52:55,080 --> 01:52:57,500
Hook is the winner!

287
01:52:57,500 --> 01:53:00,940
Hook triumphed!

288
01:53:01,500 --> 01:53:05,440
- Drastic here.
- Sir!

289
01:53:10,140 --> 01:53:14,920
- Where's Tinkerbell Hook?
- Oh, poor boy.

290
01:53:14,920 --> 01:53:24,560
I think you're late.
I roasted little Princess by telling her she was at the show.

291
01:53:24,560 --> 01:53:26,920
It's a bit fragile.

292
01:53:27,460 --> 01:53:30,960
- But delicious nonetheless.
- Villain.

293
01:53:30,960 --> 01:53:37,180
-Choke on every bite!
- I always knew mine was bigger than yours, Peter.

294
01:53:38,380 --> 01:53:40,240
It's not about its size.

295
01:53:40,240 --> 01:53:42,800
It's about what you do with it.

296
01:53:48,680 --> 01:53:51,740
THE DUEL LASTED UNTIL THE NIGHT

297
01:53:57,600 --> 01:54:02,740
Peter Pan with the same old numbers.

298
01:54:03,100 --> 01:54:06,760
At least I'm my age, old man.

299
01:54:15,260 --> 01:54:23,300
- Tinkerbell? You're alive!
- What are you doing?

300
01:54:23,300 --> 01:54:26,920
Peter Pan!

301
01:54:28,920 --> 01:54:34,440
Okay, enough of me ruining his miserable day.

302
01:54:34,440 --> 01:54:39,700
I suggest we break for dinner and we resume tomorrow.

303
01:54:39,700 --> 01:54:42,160
Anyone?

304
01:54:42,160 --> 01:54:46,060
What's that ticking noise?

305
01:54:46,060 --> 01:54:49,400
Smee, what's that ticking noise?

306
01:54:49,400 --> 01:54:51,300
What...

307
01:54:51,300 --> 01:54:54,840
Stupid crocodile.

308
01:54:54,840 --> 01:54:59,880
Go back to where you came from.
I'm not good.

309
01:54:59,880 --> 01:55:02,420
No, no!

310
01:55:02,420 --> 01:55:06,620
Ahhh!

311
01:55:10,860 --> 01:55:13,160
Hahaha!

312
01:55:13,160 --> 01:55:18,060
Oh Wendy, this is funny.
You should stay here.

313
01:55:26,780 --> 01:55:32,360
Thank you, Piotruś, but I have things to do at home.

314
01:55:35,920 --> 01:55:41,020
Goodbye, this adventure meant more to me than any other.

315
01:55:41,020 --> 01:55:43,600
It'll happen again, right?

316
01:55:46,220 --> 01:55:49,240
Good, Peter, good.

317
01:55:49,780 --> 01:55:54,160
Goodbye, Wendy.
Come back and see me soon.

318
01:55:54,160 --> 01:55:56,380
If you do anal.

319
01:56:14,160 --> 01:56:16,940
Well, well. well...

320
01:56:16,940 --> 01:56:19,620
This is Muncrief.

321
01:56:20,900 --> 01:56:26,820
It seems you were waiting for my company among the sheets.

322
01:56:28,740 --> 01:56:32,300
So I guess we can start with something dangling.

323
01:56:33,100 --> 01:56:37,000
As soon as I get my Willy out.

324
01:56:37,000 --> 01:56:39,000
Oh, here it is.

325
01:56:41,300 --> 01:56:44,780
God save the queen.

326
01:56:50,720 --> 01:56:52,700
END